The Golden Shadow
Self-Sabotage is robbing you because you gave it your bank account number.
In my sphere there is Shadow work. But we forget about The Golden Shadow. This is one of Carl Jungs most quiet yet radical ideas.
The Shadow is the unconscious basement that contains everything we repression, deny, shove down, ignore.
But The Golden Shadow (sometimes called the "bright shadow") is the unconscious storehouse of your unlived gifts. Your beauty, power, creativity, brilliance, magnetism… qualities that felt too dangerous, too presumptuous, or simply too much to claim.
I believe that The Golden Shadow is ruled by our level of awareness around how much we sabotage ourselves on a daily basis and how safe we feel to be authentic. The Golden Shadow is magnetism. The Shadow is what keeps us from it. This is where we project. We can see just how far we are from our Golden Shadow by how much we feel disgust toward other people. The woman who has more than you. The cousin who got married and you were single at her wedding. Your friend who you secretly hate because she lost the weight and you didn't. The Instagram influencer that makes more money with less wisdom in your field. Disgust takes the pain away, so we don’t have to take action.
Self-sabotage is a funny thing. It’s a known behavioral trait, habit, addiction and it always seems to wriggle in right before that great “thing” is supposed to happen. Like a missed step. Then we wonder what happened, often finding it to be the fault of something outside of ourselves even when it’s an inside job. Why do we hand the keys to the burglar every time?
I think its fear, I think its people pleasing, I think its wondering “why” and thinking the person stealing our things deserves it or needs it more than we do.
I think it's giving power away because we are afraid to hold it or show others we can hold it. We want to avoid jealousy, being kicked out of our friend groups, being seen as greedy and most overlooked… is having to deal with a meaner influx of negativity when we are exhausted and cant even answer the texts we have. And even deeper, having to give whatever we get to others because we can't control ourselves in our people pleasing habits, so we will have to do more to feel as if we deserve any of what we worked for and again, we are already depleted.
This is very common for Women who feel angry, used, resentful, wondering when it will be their turn. The thing about this cycle… is it never stops because it is completely self-fulfilling eventually.
This is what happens. A victim is created by uncontrollable circumstances. The victim learns how this actually gets them the love/care/help they've always wanted even though we should admit that its toxic. It’s a certain type of resonant energy, so the cycle continues.
The most heartbreaking part is that the victim is now a victim to the very energy they fell victim to in order to perpetuate it over and over. Sometimes, the victim will even be thankful to this energy which is often a person for keeping them stuck.
Until symptoms arrive. Until the body starts retaliating to this mindset and what it allows in. That is the key.
The person allowing this behavior from others is exhausted, depressed, waiting for their beautiful life to finally manifest itself. But until the victim actually breaks this mindset for good? It will always look in the wrong places. It will always almost unknowingly attract it back to itself like a magnet. This isn’t the person doing this. It’s the mind. The psyche. Because this is where the psyche feels the safest. In familiarity. And the way the feminine magnetism works is usually by body feel. Victims work by mind feel. They work by giving the bad guy their bank account number over and over because that’s what they’ve always done, that’s what they’ve watched others do.
Women will make money and give it to someone they think deserves it more than they do, so they keep themselves poor.
Women will lose weight and feel better than they ever have postpartum and let others use her in a way that makes her feel small and gain the weight right back.
Women will make sure her partner gets what he needs but will avoid buying herself what she needs because it feels yucky and selfish, so she is resentful, and he stops being affectionate.
Women will self-sabotage her own business and let it fail because she doesn’t have the energy to keep up because she is too busy being jealous of what’s her name who makes 6 figures a week instead of unfollowing and staying in her lane and doing the boring unsexy consistent things every day.
Women will be burned out, snap at her kids, not be able to get out of bed before 10 and blame it on everyone else while she drinks wine every night to “relax.”
To begin looking at why disgust comes forward is to begin to admit that disgust is actually where we are upset because we know we are capable of reaching for what the Women who have it all do every minute of every day.
You are not behind. You are just ignoring your own desires which probably got made fun of or squashed at some point, so you are afraid to bring it into the light. This is the beginning of self-sabotage.
It is called The Golden Shadow because this is everything we have within that we refuse to let out. It is everything others have that piss us off so bad and causes us to actually make fun of them or look at them in disgust or gossip. Because if we can't have it, no one can.
Lets look at how to allow the Golden Shadow to surface and reveal our gifts. These gifts aren’t in any way small. This is where confusion about your niche, your lifepath, your journey all come front and center so you can look at it and say “Wow… that makes so much sense and the compass points exactly this way.”
Grab your journal…
Open to a fresh page, grab your favorite beverage and begin here. Spend a good amount of time with these because they are the key to unraveling what exactly is keeping you from inhabiting your own life.
Whose approval are you trying to keep here? Who are you trying to keep happy above yourself? Who do you think you owe your life to?
Answer these questions honestly, gently and with reverence for yourself. And let’s dive in to how you can bring your gifts to light and stop feeling like you are always last. Sit here for a moment. Let it sink in. Let the people you think you owe anything to fade from view and let’s move to the next piece that will bring everything together for you…
Remembering your Gifts
The ego automatically represses these because at one point, they were dangerous to have. The ego is keeping you safe, which is intelligent…and… when you begin to unravel it the ego will relax because you are becoming. You are individuating from whoever or whatever you answered in the questions above.
Accepting your gifts requires that you let go of the identity that kept you there. This identity, the need to continue on through it is why you can't access what your real desires and wants are. This means you aren't just the Eldest Daughter or Empath or People Pleaser or Co-dependent anymore. This means you don’t need to be the most capable, the most helpful, the most in tune with everyone and this also means you pull your energy back from this, and smoothing the emotional weather in the room, your home, your family and whatever else you do that blocks you from considering yourself. Here are the steps to begin. Some are questions. Some are stream of consciousness. Either way - let it sink in. Let it change you and transform you over the next week. Re-read what you wrote multiple times.
Start following your envy.
Whatever is making you jealous and resentful is a key. These traits in others are something you wish you could have that you hide under the surface. So, who and what makes you unravel at the thought of them or it? What or who makes you feel like retreating? What do others get to do that you don’t because they deserve it more than you do? Where do you shrink to let others grow?
Notice the ache in admiration.
When you see that someone has everything you don't, that soul level painful ache is there to tell you that the internal magnet is being hidden from what its gravitating towards. So. What is your internal magnet not allowed to attract? Because this is really where your true authenticity lives. Maybe that’s marriage. Money. Children. Maybe whatever it is was made fun of, or you heard you weren’t allowed to have it.
Find the Origin of the exile.
Who or what made you feel unimportant or like you should be ignored first in your life? Go deep here, let the tears come. Let the ache form, let the glass break. Who or what told you that whatever you wanted is wrong, maybe dirty, too selfish, or even lame or dumb? Or that Mothers or Women or YOU don’t deserve it or get to have it or think it’s dumb that you want it anyways?
Microdose authenticity in low-stakes moments.
When your spouse asks what you want for dinner, tell them. And if you don’t know… say I don’t know, give me a moment and I’ll get back to you. And get back to them. Do what you give everyone else permission to do but not yourself. Low-stakes moments are places that feel a little sticky… not downright dangerous to your nervous system. Get rid of a shirt you don’t really like that you feel you should keep for “one day I’ll wear it.” No you won’t. Sell it. Tell your kids no. Tell them you will be in your room for 5 minutes and to not even think about coming in unless the house is on fire. You can also create in your preferred medium to create authenticity in low-stakes moments like drawing something you want to draw versus being influenced by what is popular right now.
Distinguish inflation from integration.
Inflation happens when you feel your ego push back against anything that isn’t in “alignment” with your ways of thinking. For example, gossiping, when everyone agrees with you, causes inflation. It causes you to feel better by making someone else look bad. This happens when you don’t want to learn from the past to actually integrate everything you’ve learned. Integration fosters authentic creativity, expression, vitality and a solid sense of self that can’t be tossed about in volatile emotional weather. The difference between inflation and integration is how comfortable you are in yourself.
Ask what your Gold wants.
Ask yourself honestly what you really want. Make this a small ritual every day for 2 minutes write in your journal. It doesn’t matter if it’s 500 dollars or a jar with a rose in it for your nightstand. Then at the end of week one- make a move towards it. Make small goals. And when something tries to get in your way- you tell it no. If you are out in your yard picking that rose and you hear your phone ring inside… you finish what you are doing FIRST. You pick the best rose and then you smell it, fill the jar with water, put it on your nightstand where you want it and THEN check your phone. You are allowed to do ONE thing in the entirety of the day for yourself. Then when you feel comfortable… add more. I know, this is diabolical but that is a very good clue as to where you are in your own mind/body and spirit that you can’t take time to do one thing for you that takes 10 minutes. And let the anxiety come, remind it that nothing needs your right this second… and go about the task. It isn’t about ignoring your life. It’s about not letting your life ignore you.
As you look back on your answers and follow that thread… think about where you are right now and where you want to be. Often the answers to these questions can lead you to the authentic spirit desires you’ve been carrying for a long time, silently and trying to hide them to not appear too much.
If you would like to go further - I’ve written a Shadow Work Journal that goes much deeper. You can find it here for $13:
Or, if you are a paying subscriber, you get it for free with your monthly subscription ($9)…
Enjoy.
xx
Dani at Ghostflower Journal